Parenting: The 12 Labours of Hercules, Part 1

Introduction

The 12 Labours of Hercules are well known throughout the ancient and modern world as the ultimate test of human strength, endurance, and will. Not unlike parenting. As I sit and ponder the marathon that any parent goes through to get a child from birth to fully grown and independent I couldn't help but compare these feats of Hercules, this test of this half god, half human, to what we as parents go through on a daily basis. This realization came as I was vacuuming my floor after the carnage created by my 9 month old son who is crawling and has discovered the world of climbing, pulling, and generally tucking into any area that only a very limber ferret could hope to wriggle into and out of. Thank goodness for my 5 year old son who at times is the trusty Iolaus but has had his share of being the source of the labours of parenting.
As you read, please let me know your own parenting/babysitting/grandparenting labours that you have struggled through and triumphed over(?)
If you would like to read a very good synopsis of the Labours of Hercules (and the one I used), the Perseus website has excellent info and some very snazzy photos to go with the write ups.
http://www.perseus.tufts.edu/Herakles/labors.html

THE NEMEAN LION

So, Hercules was given these tasks by King Eurystheus (as punishment for murder. Am I likening parenting to murder, you might ask? No...But many of us when going through these trials, may have wondered.) and the first involved the Nemean Lion. Hercules was supposed to kill this lion who was creating general havoc around, you may have guessed, Nemea, and bring the skin back to the King.
Now, this lion was not easy to kill. Arrows were no use and the beastie went into a cave with two entrances, I think, in order to either sneak out or trap his Hercules lunch. Hercules, armed with a club, blocked an entrance and went after the Lion. Forsaking the club, he used his brawn as well as his brain and choked the thing to death. The hide is preserved that way.
Victory!
Well, how does this relate to parenting, you may ask? Let me illustrate. In order to fully understand this parenting labour you must live somewhere very very cold (like Manitoba in the Winter) and have children who hate the process and act of being tucked into snowsuits. These are no ordinary snowsuits. These snowsuits are built to withstand cold -40 degree Celsius weather. And they look like Starfish. Picture the younger brother from the movie "A Christmas Story" but take away the ability to bend, move, or even yell, because the mouth is stuffed with and covered by a scarf, tastefully knitted by great grandma, wrapped around the neck 7 times, and tied at the back with emphasis and purpose by Mom or Grandma. Those of you who have had this done have vivid memories of this, some comforting, some tainted by the intense need to pee but too afraid to ask because the bus is at the end of the lane and you are being propelled, not under your own power, towards the door at an alarming rate by a frustrated woman in a housecoat.

Here is the process of trying to get a 1 year old into a snowsuit.

1.) Drape the snowsuit on the floor, with all legs and sleeves available. Making sure there is
nothing tucked, buckled, zipped that will interfere with this marathon that you are about to
undertake.

2.) Catch the child. This may involve, like for Hercules, blocking doorways and sneaking up on
your prey as the try to escape. If your prey is backed into a corner, do not show it that you
have a club. That will lead to too many questions. Speak in soft tones, slowly creeping up on
the quivering trapped being.

3.) When that does not work and the straps on the overalls have broken, the snaps under the
legs have all popped, and there is gleeful laughter in the air, stop and regroup. Time to
strategize. Remember that you are faster, bigger, stronger, and more determined (?) than
this creature. Don't be discouraged.

4.) As you finally pick up the creature, be mindful that they have not grown more arms or legs,
that's an illusion. You will not lose your hearing with the shrieks that emanate from the being
as it views it's fabric prison. The snowsuit will still fit.

(Aside: If you have a snowsuit that has a fabric exterior that is not waterproof and has some
texture, you are ahead of the game. If it's waterproof/windproof/slippery in any way...Our
thoughts are with you)

5.) Insert the arms first, putting the lets in a slight twist hold so the prey cannot barrel roll its
way out of the situation. Using a distraction device may help, something noisy and shiny. You
may try to use the prey's older sibling but this could go either way. Do not attempt this
unless you are sure of the results.

6.) Take the prey out and change it's pants that have become soiled because of indignation and
anger.

7.) Again insert the prey's arms into the suit. Clasp the flailing legs and shove one into the
appropriate snowsuit leg.

8.) Again insert the arms into the sleeves.

9.) Again insert the arms into the sleeves.

10.) If the snowsuit has a hood, putting the prey's head into the hood may cause it to become
disoriented as it flails while trying to see. Use this opportunity to shove the other leg into the
snowsuit.

11.) Again insert the arms into the sleeves. This by now has become more difficult as the prey is
writhing and arching their back in a very non-human sort of way. Persevere. You are bigger,
stronger, not as flexible, but you do need groceries so this is part of the test of your
endurance.

12.) Try with all your might to do up the zippers/buttons/ closing device for the snowsuit. If, like
me, this snowsuit has travelled through another child in your family and if you got it second
hand, numerous other children, this can be a frustrating experience. If the zipper
breaks/button falls off/snaps won't hold, go for the scarf. In many cultures it is appropriate
and even decorative to use a scarf around the waist. Pretend this is on purpose. As you hold
the child, the snowsuit will come up over their face and you won't need a scarf anyway.

13.) Success!()&#)(&%)@(#$ If not, repeat the above. It needs to happen, it will happen, you will
look like you've been through a war and there is likely spit up on your shirt. You may still
have all of your hair which is success in itself. Congratulations!

So, you may say that there was no skinning in the defeat of this animal. I argue that in this scenario, we just need to reverse our thinking. Instead of skinning the lion, we are attaching a foreign hide to the lion. Which reminds me.....Just try getting the snowsuit off....